You all recognize this nifty diagram from last week, I’m sure. After posting, I couldn’t stop thinking about the Valley of Despair. What an apt name for that phase of the change process in which we basically feel like we have nothing left to give, nothing left to hope for, and like we never should have tried to change anything in the first place.
The Valley of Despair is a difficult place to be.
I wanted to come back to it and give it some good press because without moving through this phase of the process, we don’t really get the opportunity to know what we’re made of. The Valley of Despair gives us room to see and shift our thinking and to understand if what we think we want is actually what we want. If it is – we will tighten our grip and keep fighting for it. If it isn’t, we’ll give up.
As an example, let’s look at a company that has had high turnover in the last year. After assessing the current state that might make staying at the company difficult, they determined changes they could make in the environment, approach, and culture of the company to impact employee retention. Then one day, out of the blue, an employee comes to the boss and announces she’s received an incredible offer from another company and she’s quitting. The company offers a counter. Will she stay or go?
Whoosh. Yup, that’s the wind going out of all of our sails. What? What do you mean, you’re leaving? Isn’t anything we’re doing making a difference? I thought people were more engaged, that our results were improving. I mean, it’s been really hard work and we know we have a long way to go and more questions than answers, but…you can’t leave.
This is difficult, and it reminds me of the Valley of Despair because in our logical minds this simply should not happen. Should. Not. You do the work, you grind through the changes, which is really hard because it all goes against your better nature, but you know it’s worth it so you keep going. And then this. Exactly the thing that you were trying to avoid in the first place.
This is just one example of an instance that can make us feel like giving up. It’s in this place that we need to have a strong resolve and a clear vision in order to keep going as well as remind our compatriots what we are working so hard to accomplish. A new future – one that is not predetermined by past events – is not easy to come by. Look at the American Revolution. Look at women’s suffrage. Look at any movement anywhere that required a change in thought. It isn’t easy. And I guarantee you, all of those people felt like giving up, that the vision had become a burden rather than a gift, and that they were too small to accomplish what was before them to accomplish.
Let’s go back to our example. Here’s the beauty of this scenario: it gives the company an opportunity to see the actual efficacy of the changes it has put into practice. If the employee leaves, it’s a win – it gives the company an opportunity to embrace the reality that the fit was no longer the right fit, for the company and the employee. If the employee stays, the company can ask, What made you decide to stay? This instance is an opportunity for learning if we choose to learn – and that learning can propel us forward into the new state if we are willing to let it.
Are you in the Valley of Despair? Are you looking at where you’ve come from and thinking, “There’s no way to get where we need to be. This is impossible”? If you are, you are in good company. Any person who has ever fought for anything that matters is in your corner. I am in your corner. What can you do when you find yourself in this dark place?
- Identify the setback. What are the positives? How can this “setback” actually be a step forward?
- Find your ally. Talk it through. This can often help you gain a new perspective on the situation.
- Refresh your eyes on the vision you are pressing towards. Is it still worth it? Why is it worth it? Why must this change occur, no matter what?
- Remind yourself: You are one person. One person can make a huge difference. Don’t give up.
- Go encourage someone else in their own struggle.