Everyone gets scared sometimes. Being afraid is not the problem. It’s what we do with fear – and then what happens as a result of acting out of fear – that causes issues. If you are in a decision-making role, try to think of a decision made in fear that yielded something good for the company. If you’re not, try to think of the last thing you did because you were afraid and if it had a positive outcome. Be honest. I personally have seen many terrible, costly, devastating decisions made out of fear. I can’t say I’ve ever witnessed a decision made from fear that yielded a positive result.
Consider the different impact of decisions made based on data or facts. These decisions give you something to fall back on regardless of the outcome because you know what the solid logic and reasoning was behind the decision. Not so with fear, which usually makes you feel pressured into just doing something to get away from the anxiety of the situation you find yourself in.
How does this kind of thinking impact an organization? Let’s take an example of a company that knew it needed to address some issues internally. We identified some opportunities for improvement on a process – but then every time we went to run the new approach, one of the team members would basically walk away and do his own thing, sabotaging our improvement efforts. He didn’t want to run the new version because he was afraid of losing the role within the old version he had held for years. A vague example, perhaps, but please consider the last time you faced a change and didn’t want to participate simply because you weren’t sure what the outcome for you would be.
For those of you scoffing or pretending that fear never impacts you, please reconsider. The real question is, are you willing to admit how fear impacts you? The average human is terrified most of the time, and with good cause. We are fragile in the best sense of the word, and we are very needy. We have to have a job to pay the bills so we can be comfortable and not scared. There have been many great books written on the subject, so I will leave you to your own research, but what I want to address today is how we might use fear instead of letting it get the better of us.
Usually, fear crops up when we find ourselves in a vulnerable position that seems to leave us powerless. This can be unknown outcomes, responsibility or expectations we don’t feel up to meeting, an opinion that may not be in our purview to impact. We forget that we have a choice in the matter, we forget that we are empowered in how we will approach our emotions and our experience. Instead, we give in to whatever the impetus is that tells us that
VULNERABILITY = DEATH.
Fear screams, “This is it! You’re going to die!” And we believe it, whether it is actually physically, emotionally, or spiritually true. We stop concerning ourselves with the truth and give way to the lie that fear presents.
What does fear do? It clouds our judgment, makes it difficult to see straight or think clearly. We lose sight of reality and think that whatever happens must be better than feeling this way in this moment. Fear tells us we can’t do it, why even bother – and we let it! Can you imagine what you might be able to accomplish if you, like Alex Honnold of free climbing fame, did not have the fear mechanism the rest of us are plagued with?
Well. Maybe he has a chemical difference in his brain, but guess what? The beauty of where you and I stand is that we have this part of ourselves to overcome, and overcoming fear is an incredible undertaking that yields great gain if we are willing to use it as a tool instead of allowing it to have power over us.
This may seem extreme. But I’ll ask you – when was the last time you were afraid and acknowledged it to yourself? Fear comes about in likely and unlikely circumstances, and the shrewd human takes the time to recognize it so that he is not controlled by it.
The funny thing about fear is that the more we try to ignore it, the more it seems to crop up in the worst places. How can you use fear as a tool instead of giving into it and losing your momentum, your zeal for what you are doing, and even your hope that what you’re working towards is even possible?
Activity: Take one of your fears and walk it through the following.
- Call it what it is. Are you afraid of looking stupid? Losing your reputation as the person who always seems to have a great idea? That you’re going to fail? Name it.
- Look it in the eye. Stop skirting around it or pretending like it isn’t there.
- Ask WHY. Why are you afraid to tell your boss you are uncomfortable and would like a change? Why are you afraid you might lose your job if you say something? Asking the questions – and choosing to face the answers – offers a freedom that ignoring the fear simply cannot give.
- What is the fear rooted in? Lack of experience? What you think about yourself? How others perceive you? Write it down. Ask yourself, what is true about this? Throw anything untrue out.
- Are you willing to set that fear down? This might be harder than it seems. We like to say we aren’t afraid, or hate being afraid – but when push comes to shove, fear often offers some great excuses to stay where we are. So be honest about this with yourself. And if you’re not ready, that’s okay. Wait until you are. And in the meantime, try to understand if what fear is giving you is worth keeping it around.