I spent a good portion of my working life (well, I’ll be honest, my whole life) feeling like I had to prove to someone that I was worth my salt. Salt, in this case, would be anything from the salary they were paying me to the facetime I wanted with my boss to pitch an idea.
Guess what? No matter how hard I tried, what I accomplished, how I failed, or what anyone said to me or about my work, I never felt like I had crossed the finish line and “proven” myself enough.
Now, I am not a person with a lack of credentials. I’m not going to go into them here, but I will say that I am interested in a lot of things, not afraid to learn, and have put myself in uncomfortable positions for the sake of exploring, learning, and growing. That said, there is no reason for me to think that I am somehow lacking or unable to stack up to the standards of the workforce today. So why couldn’t I get myself out of this feeling like I was never going to be good enough?
What it boiled down to for me was, in fact, a lack of humility. Yes. Hopefully, my taking the deep breath to say that out loud can help someone else do it too. It’s not a fun thing to admit, but it was critical to my coming into an honest estimation of myself to see that the one I was trying to prove myself to was in fact – MYSELF.
You may be thinking, “Oooh. That’s a dangerous game.”
You are RIGHT.
I have since learned that anyone I thought was “keeping me down,” “not listening” to what I had to say, or “lining up hoops” for me to jump through…simply didn’t care. They were more focused on proving THEMSELVES than they were about making me prove my own worth. Ironic, isn’t it?
I’m sharing this with you because this dominated my experience, professional and otherwise, for a very long time. I cried at my desk. I left work feeling like I was never going to get where I wanted to go. I complained about people who seemed to be putting me through the wringer for no reason at all. I put myself through a lot of pain because of my own determination to satisfy my own pride in what I could accomplish.
Any attempt to prove ourselves only results in a trap that keeps us from being able to execute the thing we are truly meant for. The name of the trap is JUDGEMENT. And judgement begets judgement, so if you are in a position of leadership and indulge in this kind of judgmental behavior over yourself, it is only a matter of time until you pass it on to your team. This does not usually result in a safe and collaborative work environment.
If you are meant for showing people a new perspective through painting but you feel like you have to prove to the artistic community you are a “good” painter, you will never feel capable of painting what is in you to paint. If you are meant to lead a small company through a turbulent time, but you feel you need to prove to management that you are worth a promotion, no one will benefit from your encouragement and instruction. Setting down the trap of proving oneself means picking up courage found in the freedom to be and do what you are meant for.
Do you feel like you always have something to prove to someone? Here are the questions I will ask you:
- What is the name of the person you are trying to prove yourself to?
- Why that person?
- What happens if that person is never satisfied with your efforts?
Perhaps you feel you have to prove yourself to a professional industry so that you can be taken seriously. Perhaps you feel like your father will never respect you unless you prove to him you are a man who can surpass his achievements. No matter what these constructs are, they boil down to you and your own pride. If you can let that go, you can come into the fullness of who you actually are – without that heavy burden of someone else’s perceived expectations you decided to pick up at some point along the way.
Activity: Go back and answer the questions above. Think about what it is you believe you will gain once you have proved yourself. Is any of that based in reality? Are you able to enjoy your life under that weight? If not, what might you change to set it down?