We have to train ourselves in the discipline of honest assessment. When you are willing to see the admirable and the ugly things about yourself, you have the opportunity to understand yourself in the fullness of your humanity. This, in turn, makes it easier to relate to other humans and thus to lead, encourage, and even correct when the opportunity arises.
However, this is always easier said than done. Looking at these things often makes us feel inadequate and that we may as well stop trying. Sometimes we’ll even start to feel afraid – if all these imperfections exist, why would anyone find us capable to execute anything well? In other instances, it’s just pride that makes it hard to take an honest assessment. Pride would rather maintain the facade of efficacy than address reality in order to generate meaningful and lasting change.
I was talking about this with my brother, who is taking a course on leadership. He had an assignment to describe an instance in his life in which he demonstrated courage. He told me he was dreading the assignment because he was going to have to blather on about something that didn’t mean anything – he was intimidated at the prospect of having to look at himself in this point of honesty.
When he got into actually doing the assignment, he chose a period of his life that had been very difficult for him. In writing all that out, he came to see how while some of the choices he’d made weren’t the best decisions of his life, the end result and the perseverance through the struggle did demonstrate courage. What I love about this especially is that he demonstrated courage today in his willingness to take an honest assessment of himself and see in truth even things that were hard to acknowledge.
I myself have had multiple experiences in which I was humbled by circumstances and sometimes even people telling me to my face that I wasn’t everything I cracked myself up to be. It was painful – never mind humiliating! But I’m so thankful for them and the awareness they brought. Without all of that, I would definitely not be in a position to write about it and I definitely would not be able to encourage you to do the same. And while it doesn’t get easier necessarily, I’m at least not blindsided when it comes up that what I say I’m doing is different from what I’m actually doing. It happens to all of us – we’re humans!
The best, most wonderful thing about taking an honest assessment of ourselves? The freedom that comes as a result. When you allow yourself to be a human being with limitations, weaknesses, and flaws, you are empowered to grow. All the sudden you have choices that can be made in courage and determination. As you choose to do something different than you would have before, you WILL see what you’re actually doing align with what you say you’re doing.
Activity (stolen from my brother):
Part 1: Think about an instance in your life in which you acted with courage. What about this experience demonstrates courage to you or others?
Part 2: Go ask someone else the same question and share your answer as well.
Good job! Great activity to do as long as you’re willing to approach in honestly and with courage! Like you said, these self-reflections can be liberating and truly allow us to move on from those things that had so much power over us in the past. This allows us to leave it in the past and make room for new and more positive learning opportunities!